Mad Symphonia
by Sylvia Viridian
Summary: Just a songfic about a couple days in the life of my favorite bishies. Massive angst from both Kratos and Zelos. Oneshot.


This is what happens when I get an angsty song stuck in my head all day. I don't own any of it. Song is Mad World, something my sister introduced me to through AMVs, so I'm not sure who sings it.

* * *

Kratos strode purposefully through the human ranch, led by the Grand Cardinal who ran it - Forcystus, he thought this one's name was - and did his best not to think about the prisoners and guards all around them. All their faces looked alike, after so much time spent hating and being hated, and the prisoners were so haggard...but he couldn't think about that, it might make him start to feel.

_All around me are familiar faces  
Worn out places  
Worn out faces_

It was fairly early in the day, but he could tell that they had been working for hours already, clad in thin, ragged clothes since the break of dawn. The jobs they performed were pointless, meaningless, designed only to promote the growth of the Exspheres by causing the subjects to suffer...but he couldn't afford to think about that, and so he pushed it to the back of his mind, the depths of what was left of his soul.

_Bright and early to the daily races  
Going nowhere  
Going nowhere_

Through the torture chambers now, and not-thinking-about the blood, the screams, the agonized expressions, the scarred forms...

The tears on that woman's face as she watched her child...

He turned away, fighting down a surge of emotions that he couldn't afford to feel. This was a test, he knew, not of the ranch but of his loyalty to Yggdrasill. Mithos needed to confirm that he'd learned his lesson, that he wouldn't try to leave again, and so he needed to be convincing about this. Mithos needn't worry, of course; Kratos had had more than enough of making things worse by trying to meddle in them. He schooled his face into its normal blankness, sealing away the pain in his heart.

_Their tears are filling up their glasses  
No expression  
No expression_

Shaking his hair in front of his eyes to cover the lingering emotions in them, and to shield himself from his surroundings, he continued through the Ranch. It was a horrible place, where the subjects had no future...but then, neither did anyone else, with Mithos' plans. He suppressed the wave of sadness he felt at that thought with the ease of long practice, submerging it in cool indifference.

_Hide my eyes, I want to drown my sorrow  
No tomorrow  
No tomorrow_

That night, for the first time in months, he slept, albeit fitfully. He dreamed, as he always did when he managed to sleep, of that terrible, fateful day nine years ago. But this time was different...the Desians had already killed Lloyd and Noishe, their broken bodies lying in the dust. Suddenly, Anna's monstrous form struck out at him, knocking the sword from his hand. Inexplicably reverting to her human shape, she picked the sword up, gazing at it thoughtfully for a moment, before turning to him with a vengeful grin and thrusting it toward him. He stared down in mild amazement at his chest, where it had struck through, piercing his heart, then looked back up at her. She smiled as if it were a great accomplishment...her voice rang in his ears as he died, "Serves you right!"

He woke with a gasp, and lay there in his bed for a moment, wondering vaguely whether dreaming or waking was more of a nightmare.

_And I think it's kinda funny  
I think it's kinda sad  
The dreams in which I'm dying  
Are the best I've ever had_

He rose, shaking off the remnants of sleep and pushing the dream to the back of his mind to let it fade away. Time to return to the endless cycle of days, obeying orders, reacting more than acting, and doing his best not to think or feel...He tried to recall what he was supposed to do today. Ah, yes...sword practice with the Chosen One.

_I find it hard to tell you  
I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles,  
It's a very very  
Mad world  
Mad world_

It was Zelos' birthday again. He'd gathered, in his eighteen years of life, that most people looked forward to their birthdays...but he didn't, hadn't since he was very young. What was there to look forward to? A long Church ceremony that he had to pretend to believe in, a bunch of insincere and overly-gaudy gifts from people who wanted him to do them favors...another long year in the life of someone who should never have existed in the first place.

_Children waiting for the day they feel good  
Happy Birthday  
Happy Birthday  
Made to feel the way that every child should  
Sit and listen  
Sit and listen_

As he drifted his way through classes that day, he vaguely remembered starting school, and how apprehensive he'd been. He'd been right, too. No one knew or cared who he was, but all of them wanted to be friends with the Chosen One...for a price. He'd had no shortage of notes to cheat on tests from, or anything else, but they always expected something in return for what they gave him. That was really when he'd begun sleeping around (usually with girls, although there had been a few other incidents...). None of them seemed to notice that what he gave them in return for their favors had no value, which suited Zelos just fine.

_Went to school and I was very nervous  
No one knew me  
No one knew me_

And then last year, after he'd gotten into a fight yet again for sleeping with someone's girlfriend (how was he to know? She'd come on to him, totally not his fault), someone decided he needed to learn to defend himself, and the Church had hired a mercenary to train him in swordsmanship. He'd been rather surprised to note the identity of the 'mercenary'...he wouldn't be much of a spy if he didn't recognize Kratos Aurion of the Four Seraphim. He'd hoped maybe the man would be different from everyone else, and he was, in that he didn't fawn all over Zelos. Instead, and instead of giving him genuine support, he seemed totally oblivious to the fact that he was teaching a real person with real emotions. Last week, Zelos had gotten fed up with the pretenses and told Kratos he knew who he really was...the other had become even more withdrawn and distant since then.

_Hello teacher, tell me, what's my lesson?  
Look right through me  
Look right through me_

That night, Zelos dropped into his bed, exhausted, and fell asleep almost immediately. He found himself in the snow, making a snowman with his mother, a terribly familiar situation, the subject of far too many nightmares. He braced himself, knowing what was coming, but instead, he felt a searing pain, and as he watched blood spatter over his mother's shocked face, he realized that the spell had hit its true target this time. As his mother cradled him in her arms, staring down at him in shock and dismay, he smiled as he reached up with his small hand and brushed the blood off her cheek. "Don't cry, Mommy," he managed in a faltering voice, "...You can be happy now. It'll be like I was never born."

Zelos woke with a start, tears running down his face. Dimly, he wondered whether that might not have been a better ending for his story, rather than this slow wasting of his soul.

_And I think it's kinda funny  
I think it's kinda sad  
The dreams in which I'm dying  
Are the best I've ever had_

He sighed deeply, wiping the tears from his face, and rising to repeat his daily routine, knowing that he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep after that. It was a never-ending cycle...school, court, sword lessons, home. At least today wasn't his birthday anymore.

_I find it hard to tell you  
I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles,  
It's a very very  
Mad world  
Mad world_

* * *

If Zelos' dream made you cry, too, please review. If you think I'm a sappy idiot for crying at my own fics, please review anyway 


End file.
